The Day I Died

This is not something That I have shared with too many, but I am being asked to share it now.

The day I died was like any other day of suffering for me at that time. I went to work but was sent home because I was so sick from my new prescription for Lupus. I was spending all the time in the bathroom. I had called the doctor, and they wanted me to stay on the meds; they were going to send something in to help with the side effects. {that was in addition to several prescriptions I was on to try to manage all the things.} Now they also thought that I possibly had MS too. I had drop attacks where I would just fall to the ground and couldn't get my legs to work so I could stand up; in some cases, I couldn't move my arms or anything, and I was fully conscious. It was frightening. I had all these tests scheduled.

I went home alone and ordered food for delivery since I was starving, couldn't keep anything in, and had no energy. I waited for my food and ate, but I was not feeling well at all. I ran to the bathroom and got so sick. I felt as if my body was shutting down. I thought I needed to work harder to breathe; I was confused and scared… home alone.

In a way, It wasn't a glorious death. I was in the bathroom in anaphylaxis, home alone and too far from my phone on the rope. Modern convinces were not invented yet.

My body gave up; the medication cocktail for the Lupus was not something my body did well with. I was listening to doctors and trusting doctors. I didn't listen to my intuition because I was conditioned to be smaller and less than I truly am. What did I know? {trauma and abuse can make us feel small}

Back to my glorious death on my throne ( I will spare you from the details of the experience). My body just started shutting down; the walls of my bathroom disappeared in front of me, brick by brick, as a bright light showed through. I was no longer afraid or alone; I was light, lightweight, and joined by angels and ancestors. I was love, I was a part of everything, it was beautiful {that is an understatement} I saw a flash of all kinds of things, it was not just my life as I have known it… it was an “untimeliness-like” as we know it, and there was so much more. Nothing was linear. But before I could get all settled and make sense of any of it, a voice became a part of my being, a vibration that joined with a beautiful choir of a vibrational kind of music that was a part of me and everything. {there are no words to explain} but his voice told me it was not my time; I had stuff to do. Modern medicines were not my friend; my body couldn't handle them, and I was to learn the natural ways and spend time in nature.

I came to. I was groggy but awake. I believe it was the next day when I realized I was conscious. I was feeling a lot better but knew I could not take any of my meds. I had a lot to figure out on my own and learn, but I started trusting my intuition and was divinely guided by whispers.

I had been beaten down and gaslit in the past, but something in me was expanding again, growing. I had this knowing and feeling before. When my appendix ruptured, I was between places. The surgeon told me I would probably not make it through surgeries, but the whispers told me, “We've got you. You will pull through.” I was freed from fear; I just knew everything would be OK. {the nurse was freaking out. Telling me that the surgeon should not have said that to me}

At the time, there was no substantial alternative push for holistic and alternative medicine. I was on the Gulf Coast, and that was witchcraft.

Weird doors opened, and the right people were coming into my life as guides; I had dreams of Northern California and was told to go there, then a job opened up in Nothern California, and I traveled to Arcata, California, with my work. I learned all things holistic and organic, spent a lot of time with the redwoods, read books, and got into meditation and the medicinal use of herbs and mushrooms.

I went camping, looked for BIGFOOT, and returned to the Gulf Coast; the Systemic Lupus was in remission. I was sad to have to leave. My time behind the redwood curtain was way too short. I loved camping in the Redwoods. To be a part of that much beauty and nature is to know heaven. I had a duck that I thought was my dog. I wanted to bring it but was unsure where I would live. I had experiences in nature that were beautiful, wonderous, and magical to those who have never experienced it; it was nature, not outsider man's view of nature. Yes, I believe in Bigfoot, but that is another story.